Mothers Day in the U.S. is right around the corner. And then, right now schedule, a month later is Fathers Day. As a mother, these days are true treasures for me. Not because I am getting any attention-if you knew me, you know how much I don't like a big spotlight-however these two days are special due to the fact that as a nation, a majority of families will be getting together, eating a meal, and spending time together. I promise, most moms really just want that. And to see you in church with them is a bonus. Gifts are wonderful and they can range from homemade pasta creations to elaborate robot vacuums. However, usually around this time of the year I hear a phrase that comes up, and although I get what it means, I have a very different point of view.
This phrase is "Well, my spouse is not my (mother/father) so I don't have to get them anything." Okay. True. You are correct. Your spouse is not your parental unit. They are your spouse. I'm glad you can recognize it. Now, I am NOT saying to go out and buy your wife a robot vacuum or your husband a new grill. I want you to pause on that phrase and think for a moment at WHAT you are saying. Let me change the words around a little; "My spouse is not my parent so I do not have to honor him/her on this special day, consider what he/she does for our family and take time to say thanks." That sounds harsh. Disagree? Well, despite what your intentions are behind the first phrase, the second phrase is what you really mean. Now, thats not really nice, or southern. Coming from a southern girl, I don't like either phrases. There's also something else. How you treat your spouses position on special days like this set the tone and example for your children. Although I have told my girls, "Do as I say and not as I do" guess what? They still do as I do. I set the footprints for my daughters to follow in. How I treat my husband on a daily basis will show my daughters how to treat theirs. How I treat my parents, teaches my daughters how to treat me when they are older. If I brush off Fathers Day, and tell my girls, "Well, your daddy is your daddy, so you have to celebrate him." I am treating my husbands role as my daughters father less then what it is, extremely important. By doing so, I know my daughters will remember how I acted in the years to come and treat their husband and his role the same way. Do I want that? No. First, I want my daughters to respect and love their father. If I degrade his position or worth in the family, I am hurting the family as a whole. By showing my girls how to honor and love their father on Fathers Day sets the tone and example for how they will grow up and treat their father for years to come, everyday. The same for in-laws. By switching our spouse for in-laws you degrade your children grandparents position in their lives. Family is the most important unit on earth. When you start to treat people in your family like their role isn't important, you start to break down the unit. Now, toxic people, that's different. However, in a normal setting, a family is to honor one another and support one another. Rejoice together, laugh together, cry together, and lift one another up. In a marriage, when one person does not feel valued, both parties have a problem. Although Mothers Day or Fathers Day is not about honoring your spouse, it is a day to treat the role your spouse plays in the lives of your children very important. For some, it can be very validating that they somehow got something right along the road as a parent. Also, by supporting your spouse on their day, you show the love of Christ. I have yet to find anywhere in the Bible that Jesus did not honor his mother, or father. Think about that. Jesus' father was God. However there are no comments in the Bible when Jesus said "Only honor your mother/father if they ______" As a matter of fact, even Moses received the first 10 commandments and number five is to "Honor your mother and father." Now, as young children, learning how to honor is a hard thing to do, unless you have an example to follow. That example is not going to be a stranger off the street, its going to be you, and how you treat your spouse. So, by honoring your spouse, you also honor your parents by showing your children how to treat one another. Theres not a time when you magically stop, or "get off the hook". It's everyday, day in and day out. The more you practice it, the better you get.
So, Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Honor your spouses roll in your children's life. Set the example for your children on how to take a special day and honor your spouse. Buy a card! Say Thank You. Make a family meal together. Look at old pictures. Set time aside to play a game, or let the spouse pick what they would like to do for the afternoon/evening. Take time to honor your in-laws or other family members who may have been a parental figure in your life. Don't rush the time together. Make memories. Don't see Mothers Day or Fathers Day as a "have to" holiday. View it as a "get to honor you today" Because, at the end of the day, it's just one day, that is suppose to set the tone for the other 364 days of the year.
