For New Moms

As I am a current mom, and God has blessed me to become a mom again, its hard not to think about the differences that are I am experiencing between the 2 pregnancies. The first one was full of people giving me advise. This one, not so much. I remember how much advise everyone wanted to bestow on me with my first pregnancy and have remembered some pointers that I wish I had known, and some advise I wish someone had told me. So, this isn't really advise on how to or not to do anything, really. Its more on a way to do it.

Enjoy!! If your not heaving sick, or having to be hospitalized, please enjoy being pregnant. Compared to your life span, and everything else that you will live through, these short months of being pregnant are wonderful. Hey, there's a reason why guys aren't pregnant and we are. Enjoy the kicks, hiccups and movements-when they don't hurt. If your comfortable, let your hubby, mom, dad or other very close family members feel the little miracle too. It made it more real to my husband when he feels our little one(s) kick him. Its a special little moment. Don't let this pass. The baby will be here soon enough, so enjoy these short few months.

Relax. Okay, Eve had no help giving birth to her kids, so I think we are blessed, no matter how you decide to bring your child into the world, that we have some help. Whatever your choice is, talk about it with those who you trust, and who will be there. If your doctor gives you a green light, go for it. It may not be the same decision as someone else, and that's fine. You have to live through it, so do it the way you feel comfortable. In the end, you and the baby just need to be healthy and safe. That's all that matters.

Find Common Ground. Okay, so EVERYONE has an opinion on, well, EVERYTHING. Especially raising children. Guess what? That's great! Here's my advise; find a couple who has the results your looking for, and talk to them. Yes, everyone on the planet will give you advise. Yes, you will disagree with it. No, you do not have to do what everyone else has done. My husband and I had so many people give us their heartfelt advise. We would talk about it, see if it worked for our family, and then decide if we should follow it or not. One of my friends from high school does babywearing. That's great! For her. I didn't think I should. Another friend did formula feeding, and another did strictly breast-attachment feeding. I pumped. That's what worked for our family, and that's what I felt comfortable doing. Am I a bad mother for doing it that way? I don't think so. And neither do my friends. My husband and I liked the idea of a schedule from day one. Another friend hasn't had her kids on a schedule at all. Oh well. I just found people who did what my husband and I though worked for our family, talked to them, got advise from them, and ran with it. If something doesn't work, figure out why, and adjust or change all together. Your not a bad parent for doing so, and every child is different. Work with the child.

Mistakes Happen. Guess What? Your going to make mistakes. So, fix them and move on. I have seen-and I have too-beaten myself up over the smallest thing that I did wrong. Really? Did beating myself up help in any way? Nope, it was just a one person beat-up-on-myself party. Guess what? My child-and I thankfully!-lived through it. I learned, and we have moved on. Remember, at the end of the day you and the baby's health is all that matters. So what if the dishes are piled up in the sink? Or if the trash needs to be taken out? Can you do those things tomorrow? Yup, just figure out how, and get some rest. Being a new mom is tiring. So, let things go a little longer than usual. You have friends who will come over and clean your kitchen, promise. If you put it on facebook, see how many people respond. Family can help too.

Say Yes To (Some) Help Okay, to pick up from the last point, its okay to say yes to help. People will come and help you do almost anything as a new mom of __ kid(s). Use your judgment however, and let people do what your comfortable with. If someone offers to help with one thing, and you need another, ask. I had so many people who wanted to hold my newborn. I really wasn't comfortable with that, however I asked if they could, load the dishwasher, or pick up a few things from the store next time they went. People-especially women-love to help. Let those who are helpers, help. Its a way for them to bless you.

Find Your Rock. Well, this is touchy, however, I'm going to try this one with grace. Find your rock. In everyone's life there is a rock of foundation for them. Religion is usually the biggest one. So, whatever your faith based religion is, find a steadiness in it. I may not agree with your faith, however, that's you and your families decision. Go to your house of worship, find friends there. If you don't have family living near by, your faith based friends should become like family. Outside of ones family, usually the faith based friends are like family and support you just as much. They also are the biggest source of information too.

DO's & DON'T's Well, there are some absolutes that no matter who you are, they should be on the list.

Do's -Love your child. Hey, they are yours. And they will drive you absolutely nuts. Promise. However, there are moment-more often than the bad ones-that you will enjoy being a parent.
-When you take pictures, organize them. I SO wish someone had told me this. I have so many that I have not a clue when they where taken, and wish I had tackled organizing them when my child was born. I do mine by month & year. Do whatever works for you, I just STRONGLY advise that you do it. You'll thank me later. And back them up.
-Do what is best for you & your child. You and your child's health is the most important thing right now. Listen to your doctor, and pediatrician. If they give you the green light, run with it. You are seeing them, so you should trust them. if you don't trust them, find someone who you feel you can.

Don'ts -This is a personal don't, however, I feel as though everyone should at least highly consider it: don't take advise from non-parents. Here's my reason why; if you haven't LIVED through it, how you really know what to do? I apply that philosophy to every advise I give. Second hand doesn't work either. If they haven't lived through it, then its just good intent. There's something about having to live through a situation and having to look at all the options and decision that have to be made that just an opinion or second hand advise can't give. So, a non-parent telling you what their parent friends did in the same situation, might not get the right message across. Try to talk to the source. You may need to come back to them later, or ask questions that the non-parent can't answer.
-Don't go crazy. Overwhelmed is fine. Crazy is not. Your going to-at one point or another- going to feel overwhelmed. That's fine. Find help. Or a friend that you can vent to at least. Venting helps. Not gossip. Venting. Yes, there is a difference. Sometimes we just need to get things off our chest. So, do it in a safe environment, and please try not to belittle someone. They may have had the best of intentions at heart. And if your a support person for a lady who is pregnant, please be positive. There is a lot of negative things that you would never know that are being said to her. Family should be the biggest, positive, influence on a lady who is going through this time. Especially if its the lady's first time being pregnant. Yes, her life, and those lives around her, are going to change. That's a given. Support her. Be a cheerleader. Let her talk, and vent, without being critical or giving advise. Sometimes she just may want to vent. If she wants advise, she will ask. Family is the biggest influence in anyone's life, and when family isn't being supportive, then it makes it really hard for that one person to see the good in their situation. I have known so many people who have tried for years to have a child, and they finally conceive, only for their family to say rude and demeaning things. Yes, the couple will find out what life is like with a child, and yes their life is going to change. That's a given. However, don't you think they wanted it to? Especially those couples who have tried for any amount time. They wanted that change. Support them. It makes for better Christmases.

I know that there are other things that I will think of down the road. However, they should fall into one of these pointers. I hope this helps someone out there. Let me know what you think.

Thoughts & Companies

I have been praying over some things that have been on my heart. Life has its up and downs. I don't watch the news, and for good reason, it frustrates me. There are to many negative things that go on. However, it seems to seep into twitter, Facebook and daily conversations that its hard not to avoid. I have watched the ups and downs of company's through my short life. Chick Fil A and one other company-which will remain nameless-have been on the front pages for decisions that upper management has made. Yes, it has caused people to become divided. So, as a lady who has been in retail, please let me shed some light. So lets do it in the kinesthetic way. So, you hear about company A and they support over seas production, and they under pay the employees in the factories. You don't like that, so you, and 100,000 other people decide to stop shopping at company A. And then you all start encouraging people around you to stop shopping there too. Within 6 months 1,000,000 people have stopped shopping there. The company's sales have dropped, and they have had to lay off 50 local people. How is that helping? Those people where paying bills, and supporting their family's, and now, they are let go and are left to finding another job, in hard times. How is that helping? The foreign workers weren't let go, local workers where. It's not helping. What if those workers didn't agree with the overseas production either? However, they are working to support their family's. By deciding to not shop with a company due to what the news put on the front page, your hurting more than the major company. Your hurting the local people. When a company sees a stores sales drop, they start to consider shutting down the store. I have been a part of that and if there aren't enough stores around to absorbe the employees, some of them are left to find employment on their own. In most cases, the employees don't find immidete employment. How does that help? It doesn't. And it won't. Yes, support small businesses, that's great-I have one and know several people who do. Yes, it's easier to find and agree with small businesses. However, when you need to go to a larger, corporate business, don't throw a fit. Even though you are shopping at Wal-Mart, or Target, your still shopping local. Local employees, local and customized product, and sometimes local products. Your not going to agree with EVERYTHING a company does. I promise. If you dig deep enough, you will find plenty that you don't like about several companies. The question that you need to ask yourself is if its worth it. Is it worth a friend or family member loosing their job over what you believe. No, what some companies do is not right. Is it ever? However, do you think shutting down one store, or even the whole company is going to help? Another company will take its place. And then it starts all over again. When will it stop? When we are in heaven. It's a battle that we have to fight daily. With God helping us navigate through it all. Sometimes we are put in these decisions to help those who are working for those company's. I'm not saying we can't make a difference. We can. We help with the employees. We lead them. Sometimes enough people internally is what the company needs. Company's listen to customers. They listen to employees too. Hey, think about it. If you didn't like something at work, would it have more weight coming for you and some co workers, or a customer? Employees know what the company is wanting to accomplish, and they can get direction within. We can work together, however protests, and yelling doesn't work. Did it work as a kid with your patents? Think it works now? I love you all, and just want you to think about what you say before you say it. There is more at risk than what you think. Think about those working for the company. They may not like what's going on either. Is it their fault? Nope. Don't blame them. Be a friend. Talk to them. You'd be surprised. Remember the Hobby Lobby situation? The employees may or may not agree with what's going on, however we as a community should embrace the company's in the headlines, and understand that the local workers are going to get enough backlash that weas christians don't need to add to it. Okay, I think I've said enough. Good night all. And God Bless.